i guess so it shall be, won't be the same again... so be it

Sometimes...

Sometimes there is this feeling of sadness that comes deep beneath, accompanied by tiredness and it makes me feel like doing nothing. Sometimes I feel like there is no meaning in what I am doing or what I observe around me. Kind of Nietzsche's Nihilism... Well my problem is not with the existence of God. I am not capable of even understanding such a great being. We are only capable of understanding things that we observe around us. Someone who never saw ocean can't understand what it is like to be sailing on a boat. When I feel like this, I just wanna crawl somewhere nice and hot and sleep, all alone, quit, dark, secure... Sometimes I want to drink to relax other times just feel too lazy to do so. Today is especially weird, on top of all these I felt that indescribable feeling, it's just as if the world is going a little slower and my eyes are like video recorders passively recording things. I had dizziness, as if I had cold... Dunno, maybe it's because tomorrow I have this final that I am no where near ready. Maybe this feeling is triggered by panic or stress.

Today I want to be all alone.

Today I just wanna hear the silence.

Today I just wanna see the unseen, feel the unfelt....

Today I just wanna smile again, even if the problem is uncertain...

"Such a lonely day and it's mine, the most loneliest day in my life."