So weird but it really happened. I went to her summer place... I dropped my sis somewhere close to where she lived and then on my way back home i just felt like going to tht direction... I followed my instinct... I couldn't believe how i found the place so easily... I just went there once in my life n somehow i knew where to go... Something even more weird is I parked exactly the same place I parked when i came the first time... After tht i knew what to do... it was more than just the instincts... i walked to the sea side where we met n spoke... exactly the same way as i remembered it... sat there... felt so bad... just cried... softly so tht no one could hear... I walked around the place n i called her.. not knowing whether she is home or not... she didnt answer my calls so i texted her no replies... If she picked my phone i had no idea what i would say. I'd probably say tht i am sitting at the very wooden seat once we used to sit n chat... all the nice things tht we once had came to me so vivid... Couldnt bare the pain all of them brought back... never realised tht i really missed her... tht she became so important to me... Never realised untill i lost her... how stupid i've acted... so childish... many words unsaid... feeling one part of me bleeding... slowly... something tht would never kill n never heal... Should have realised all these before coming to this point...
i love u...
ur gone... u'll never know...
how many mistakes do i need to make untill i learn....
will i ever be happy?? will i ever have the courage to love someone again?? will my wounds ever heal?? So much for me, cant stand it... i need to smile n move on... but can i?? i feel like i am hurting all the people around me.... dont wanna hate myself nymore... y is it so hard to start a new page in my life??? so alone... so powerless... failure... not given up yet...
What are we living 4??
Date: 07.24.09
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