Buried Boxes...

My mind is racing all the time...something not quite right... Something is always missing... I can feel it but i can't understand what is missing. Hurts me so much to see tht myself walking in a fog... no distance, blindly running... Doing many things... many things... Trying not to waste a minute... so tired and yet still not knowing what is the missing thing... Something coming from deep inside... maybe an emotion maybe not... Obviously something tht i buried within me... it's trying to come out but it can't succedd... Whatever tht is wants to burst out of me... something so wrong... fear... loneliness, pain... those feelings reaches the surface... whatever burried deep inside me causes these...

Probably the most happiest summer i have ever had... Last 2 summers i wasnt well but this summer all recovered. Everything is so great, in order... I can do most of the things i want... Reached many elementary friends n still in touch with college friends. My family is together and despite the small disturbances we are all happy... Everyone admires how many stuff i fit into a single day... I've been repairing stuff, planting and decorating the garden, cooking, studying for the upcoming courses, driving, shopping, swiming, successful diet... Everyone points me admiringly... Most important of all i feel happy and getting ready for a better academic performance... Everything is perfect, more than i would ever expect... but what is this feeling tht surfaces too much within me... Scares me so much. I am forcing myself to much and doing all these different sorts of things so that i feel better, so tht i feel tht i have a value... GOD what did i burried long ago n now came to hunt me. I have no clue whatsoever is causing this weird n hard to describe disturbance tht i randomly feel... Whatever this is i hope i am ready to face with it...

Last time something like this happened i failed to manage. This time i aint loosing my control... Whatever u are just stay where i burried u =)=)...

LIFE goes on n i aint gonna miss it for some weird feelings =)=) Lets hope for the best =)

Date: 07.08.09

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