everything in life happens for a reason...

I believe everything happens for a reason... even the bad things.... mistakes.... i believe they are to warn us to be more careful next time... "a wound tht doesnt kill u, makes u stronger." Every passing day my belief increases in this way... yea, all those mistakes i made, all those stuff i felt so emberassed n regret actually thought me valuable life lessons...

I have a weird feeling... if i smile, be happy n make people happy, the rest will come... all the stress n worries i have right now are for a reason... the reason why i feel them is becaz i screwed up so badly last year... i lost my self respect... now i want to be successful so much... actually need it so much... but i am scared tht i might not... there u go... explanation to all my stress... i feel deep inside tht i will be okk this year. i will only fail if i let my stress overcome my life energy, n my hopes... be happy n if u cant fake it to be happy... too much stress will harm me... relax... still cant breath normally, 1 year passed... i am way better than i once was but still i am lacking the inner peace... those thoughts lasting hours n in return i feel headache...

everything in life happens for a reason... i want to be successful so tht i can help other people... so tht they wouldnt suffer the way i did... i feel deep inside tht i will succeed... n when i do, i will help all those people who helped me... starting with my mother who sends all her retirement money to me every month... god knows how much tht hurts me.... after working 40 years she deserves to spend tht money for herself... instead she sends it to me... unfair... n still she is happy... my grandfather paying all my tuition... all these sacrifices n many more tht i know... how will i ever pay all these favors... how can i stop worryng n stressng when people just work their asses... too much responsibility... i feel so much pressure on top of my shoulders... carryng it all the time... god give me the strenght tht i need... please... if i fail this time i cant look at their faces... just cant... god give them strenght, hapiness n health... those people really deserve it... giving everythng n living in a lower standarts so tht someone else can get a better education... every single day these thoughts haunt me... weeken me... n at the same time add too much to me...

everything happens for a reason... if i never suffered, how would i ever be happy with small things... i just wanna believe, smile n be happy, make happy... if i never went so down, how on earth would i ever supposed to know how precious a single smile is... seems funny to think tht once i was praying for a single real smile... not to long ago... this year i cant afford to loose... not only my family, there are very special friends tht help me... i wanna look at those people right in the eye n tell them how much they mean to me... how much i love n respect them...

too much to do... i will do them all, as best i can...

everythng in life happens for a reason...

Date: 08.31.09
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